Photographs - 2

I think this photograph was taken sometime in 2001 at the Botanical Gardens in Kolkata.  It was a happy day.  And it presaged a period of unconditional love, unconditional hate and unconditional acceptance of the way things were.  My exterior is calm, beneath I am on an emotional seesaw but right at my core I am again calm. But never have I been flung on and off that seesaw more violently than during my relationship with P and never has my inner self returned so rapidly to an astonishing tranquillity a few years later.

For a long time, these extreme emotions embarrassed me. Because extreme emotions are undignified.  Being utterly torn, wearing your heart on your sleeve, these make for blowsy sentiments. Bottled up, stoic silent hurt is much more attractive, it can even seem more truthful.. But in all that shakeness as you make your way back to life, you find that you don't regret falling into events without a thought, without anything but some true feeling in your heart.  And when one's heart is engaged, something true always lies at the centre. Not everyone feels this way. It can be difficult to maintain relationships with exes sometimes, especially if your history together is painful or burdensome. It can be hard to get right the balance of  being true to your past feelings and at ease with your present. For some reason this has always been easy with P. 

And of course this is an attractive photograph.  Perfect for a novella based on the events of 2001:)